Since 15, The bearded old man always appear in all my most memorable moments. He always have a song or couplets to speak about my happy moments or most precisely he makes it clear that I should not be happy on those moments. I always wondered why. For example after having a few drinks on this perfect evening on a Vijaya Dasami with my hubby, assuming as my recent BF in a perfecly shadowy bar where no women would fancy to trade,he appeared as the Thomas of Peaky Blinders (the recent Netflix series I am watching day and night and in love with) and started telling me most vague way that I can be a free woman. As the wind splashing my face on my ride back to home, while my companion chatting about how important it is to learn marathi with auto driver , the old man in Thomas" s disguise was making me lough, lough like a mad free woman, who is free, who does not have to think about 10 year old at home, 93 year old at Kolkata home, or of tommorow if she can perform perfectly at her job.

I was suddenly happy and free of all burden being a daughter, daughter in law, mother, wife or companion for few minutes.... 20 min way home.

As we open the door of our house, before I loosen my shoe string, my 10 year old howl that why there is no icecream in refrigerator, coming back to my role of mom and all other this people assisgned me to which I never refuse to play , suddenly I panicked.

My whirlwind lover was still with me holding my thoughts in his cusp and my reality was calling me.

After solving all the this worldly affairs as I about to sleep, this worldly Thomas wants to make love , so do I. As we finished, the oldman with beard started singing the age old song, while putting me to sleep as if I am the girl for whom his all songs are...

The song melted my heart as it always does...and made me cry and remind me all those things I never able to achieve, but I always wanted....to be free...to be a wanderer... I get more and more angry with him, more he reminds me.... "Bhenge mor ghore re chabi niye jabi ke amare...O bandhu amar"